Sap

I hate to admit it, but I've gotten myself addicted to the new Coldplay album. This is bad. I've always been adamantly opposed to Coldplay's sort of music: emotionally heavy, romantic shlock really. I like my music upbeat and firmly in the rock genre (with small concessions to ska and punk). I dunno what I'd call Coldplay...aside from crap...and really, I can't do that anymore since I started appreciating them.

I think it ties into the fact that I've been very emotional for the past month or so. We focus so much on viewing people as individuals in all of my classes that I've started becoming hyper-aware of the people around me and how my actions and those of others are impacting them (this in turn feeds that contemplative stuff I mentioned in my last post). I'm extremely happy at med school, but that happiness makes me feel guilty about all the other people who don't feel it, and about how little I'm doing to help change that (Linz talked about something sort of similar recently). As a result, I've been shunning heavier music and going for more melodic, thought-provoking stuff--it seems to mirror my thought processes more. Maybe this isn't necessarily a good thing, as sitting around and dwelling on the plight of humanity could really just be another form of self-indulgence (something I'm prone to...but I suppose most of us are, for one reason or another). I think it's something I need to do at this point in my life though...challenge my preconceptions and predjudices and the way I look at the world and try to broaden my perspectives, or at least to be aware enough of my personal limitations to prevent them from interfering with interpersonal interactions. I never realized just how deeply some of those predjudices are ingrained in me, and it's somewhat uncomfortable to really dig down and try to analyze the reasons why I react to some people or situations in certain ways. I think I might be making progress, but in trying so hard not to take anything for granted, I've left the door open for a lot of other experiences that never hit me before to make an impact.

So if this leads me to enjoy Coldplay, or to tear up at the way the sun hits the treetops first thing in the morning, or to smile at the way people unconciously respond to the world around them, you'll have to forgive me. I'm not at my most stable right now, but that's not such a bad thing.

Aged Dogs, Novel Tricks, and Pap Smears (or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Med School)

Halfway through October and where the heck has the time gone? I'm on week seven of first year, with one midterm under my belt (yes, it went pretty well, couple of stupid mistakes though...thank god for Honours/Pass/Fail...I'm pretty sure I nailed a solid Pass. Though honestly, x-linked dominant traits do NOT pass from father to son, I don't care what the freaking answer key says.), I met my second PBL group today (are there any uncool people in this class? Seriously. Oh god, I'm such a suck.), and I'm nearly done my first shadowing experience. By which I mean the practice part of my family practice course (four office visits in this semester, everything else is seminars and stuff. Ick.). It's been an interesting run, and really, though it started off really well, I've gotta say, I've been a little disappointed recently.

Let me recap. My preceptor is wicked cool and has this amazing habit of throwing us into things and picking our brains as we flounder around in a sea of medical possibilities. It's great, it's enthralling, it's exhilerating, it's kept me so far off balance that I'm willing to try anything, to say anything, because my comfort zone just stops existing about half an hour into each session. The Tuesday before Thanksgiving I gave my first shot (B12 supplement. I literally had to throw the needle into the muscle, just like a dart. Skin is freaking tough, I bounced the thing of the guy's arm on my first try.), I performed my first pap smear and bimanual exam (I think I went into shock for a short while after that one. A woman I'd never met had just let me do WHAT now? I tell you, there's nothing quite like having your fingers buried in a stranger to snap your decision to go into med school into focus. Comfort zone? What's that?), I looked at eardrums, down throats, and into eyes. I was learning stuff! I was thinking on my feet and interacting with patients who were more than willing to contribute to my education! I was having more fun than I've ever had in my whole 17 prior years of education!

Then my preceptor left to go to New Zealand. I shadowed his locum last Tuesday. She's a great doctor, smart, funny, easy to talk to. We had some great conversations and I learned a lot conceptually, but it wasn't the same kind of learning. I was very passive with her, sitting back while she talked to the patients. I got to observe some cool stuff (suture removal, radiograph reading, and a breast exam spring to mind), but I wasn't contributing to my learning at all. I wasn't making the connections and coming up with the hypotheses, and I didn't get nearly as much out of it. My role was very much nod and smile, say hi to the patient, shake their hand, and then take lots of notes.

It's funny, a month ago, if you'd asked me, I would have said that was the best way for me to learn. In the past I've never been very hands-on. I hated labs. I never wanted to practice the concepts I absorbed. I was very much a lecture-oriented person. I hated being thrown into new situations and having to rely on my knowledge and skills because, frankly, I had no conviction. One of my teachers here in med school says that people learn best when they're off balance and a little uncomfortable. The first time he said that, I was very sceptical: honestly, all those years of school, I think I've learned what works best for me. Thanks but no thanks, I'll sit back and observe. The more time I spend in this field, though, the more I believe him. It's nice to know that, no matter how set I am in my habits, I can adapt. It's good to think that maybe I made the right choice in coming here (I won't pretend there haven't been times I've questioned that choice). Now if I could only get this waking-up early thing down...

In other news, my mother cooks a mean turkey, my best friend's ex is an amazing dancer, and I'm sending my love to two of my three sisters (what the hell, I'll send it to all three, but only two of them need it).

Serenity = joy.

I must post, as I have a vital peice of advice for anyone who's ever enjoyed anything I've recommended in the past. It needs must be brief though, as I just got home from kicking ass (and having my ass kicked as well) in poker, and now am desperately craving sleep.

So here's my two cents: GO SEE SERENITY!
Do it! Now!
It's freaking awesome, and this is coming from someone who was mildly amused by the TV series...I am not a die-hard fan (though the people I went with were...or at least one was...), but this movie was a perfect blend of action, comedy, romance (but not the sappy stuff), adventure sci-fi, with a little bit of western and horror/thriller thrown in for good measure. Mr Universe kicks serious ass.

Anyways, that's my little spiel. I considered writing a lengthy commentary on the film, but really, it speaks much better for itself.